so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize