Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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