literally had 100 drinks last night.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
