My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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