If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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