i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
