i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
