where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Randomize
