I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
