the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
it glows. i had to have it.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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