She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
