tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
