I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
The best walk of shames are on the highway
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
