What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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