we're blogging at a bar
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
