Kiss
Puke
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
