glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
