Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
