the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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