I need to stop coming to work sober
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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