Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You left your phone here
Wait...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
