I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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