Your face is a jimmy john
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I stole a fireplace last night.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
