I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
