just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
