You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
