I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
