The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
