in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
