it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
