i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
