there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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