You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
