Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
