sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
