nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
In America we eat man semen.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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