Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
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