i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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