Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Randomize
