we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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