I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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