Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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