You're my little dorito
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize