He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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