I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
There r osticjed everywhere
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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