My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Randomize
