If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
