Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
it's like heaven, but drunker
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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