yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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