Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize
