Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
When are your genitals available?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
