addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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