ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
