I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
