yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You are the jesus of drinking
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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