Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
