I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
