Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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