Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
