Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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