I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Mom said you looked used
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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