You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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