Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I love having hate sex.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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