Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize