yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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