My friends, they love my intelligence
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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